The alone-bird.

Mason said this to me this morning while stopped at red light on the way to the babysitters house, "Mom.  You know what’s weird? Maddox is silent when we get to the babysitters.  He’s completely quiet."  

And Maddox fired back "You’re quiet too sometimes!’ and Mason said ‘No I talk to my friends and play with them."

And Maddox looked out the window and I heard him say this, "Do you see the birds on the wire over there?  Do you see the group that talks together. There are three of them. Do you see?" and Mason nodded and Maddox continued "And then there’s that bird that is over by itself on the line.   It is the alone-bird.  It doesn’t want to have to talk with the others."

I just listened and thought about what my way-too-self-aware-7 year old was trying to explain to his twin brother.  Mason is an extrovert.  He goes to camp bravely by himself while Maddox stays at home and worries about him.  He likes sports and mud and being outside with neighborhood kids while Maddox stares at the door with tears in his eyes if I try to make him go play too when he doesn't really want to.  Maddox entertains himself. He hides in his closet and writes on the chalkboard always jumping when I open the door to check on him. 

Maddox is kind and sweet like my older son, but if he’s pushed – he will lose control of himself. I’ve learned in the past few years that you can’t push Maddox.  Mason needs to be pushed but Maddox needs to do things in his own time. 

I’m more like Mason.  The idea of a Saturday spent alone watching television with no human interaction is enough to completely freak me out and send me into a depression.  I need people around or I get very sad. I’ve been like this since I was a kid.  Silence is pretty much a nightmare for people like me.  I fill my time with plans, activities, things to keep me busy.  Before I was parent, it never occurred to me to understand the deep rooted seed of introversion in another person.

 Maddox doesn’t exhibit signs of social anxiety yet.  He will happily go somewhere to play with friends but when he’s done he’s done.  Sometimes that’s playing tag for 15 min outside and calling it a night.  Sometime that’s leaving a birthday party early.  Sometimes that means going up to his room after dinner and not coming out until the next morning.  But he’s not an unhappy kid as long as I give him this space. 

Of course as a mother who has no clue or understanding why a people would want to be left alone, I worry about the future.  Will he suffer from depression?  Will he feel left out?    Frankly, visions of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold have crossed my mind. 

But no. Not Maddox.  He’s my shyest but also my sweetest child.  He’s the peace maker among the group.  Last weekend on the way to the drive-in lecturing his brothers, "I love you both, but we are the fighty-est brothers in the world!" He always gives up what he loves to his brother if he asks.  I have to take extra care that he doesn’t give too much.  He spends his extra money often times on gifts for others, like the bracelet he bought for me at Disney World and he still asks me every day if I wear it. (Fuchia doesn't go with everything, my dear.)

He didn’t like to cuddle until recently, in the last 2 years and even now, it’s limited.  However, he wants me to come in while he’s sleeping and kiss him on the cheek.  If I forget one night, he tells me in the morning letting me know that I forgot and again the next night before his daily reminder for that kiss.  I try to never let myself forget.

I let him be the alone-bird because that is what he wants even if it’s not anything I can ever understand.