Tiger's Blood.

I knew when I downloaded that Charlie Sheen ringtone that one day it would go off during a client meeting and yet I did nothing to prevent it!?!

Kids. Pffft.

Ethan: "Mommy. Aren't you on a diet? How can you drink Coke?"

Me: (annoyed) "Because it's DIIIIEEET Coke.. you can drink it on a diet."

Ethan: "Oh ok....... So...is that diet chocolate that you're eating?"

I have a dream.

I had a dream last night that I was on Capitol Hill having a very important meeting with members of the House where I made them all see eye to eye about the important issues and saved the country from partisan misery. It was awesome. Then we got a keg and celebrated. John Boehner doing a keg stand...classic!

O That's why...

Ethan's father just told him that the reason all the Inns were full in Bethlehem is because they were hosting the NCAA final four.

Recession.

UGH! Ethan just found my Christmas Wrapping Paper and asked why I had so much.  I had to tell him that Santa sent out a mass text asking people to "Please buy wrapping paper. He'll bring extra elves and they'll wrap here." When he asked why ‐ I told him we were in a recession. No one has extra money...even Santa. 

Um. Help.

The twins just locked us in their room... I have no way to get out since I had to bar and nail their windows shut. If you are a neighbor of mine...please help.

He Kids.

 Ethan is eating a glazed doughnut and he looks over and me and says "Look Mom...I'm a cop."