I am supposed to be working on my book but I've hit the wall. It's not that I've run out of insight and embarrassing, self deprecating stories about myself...it's just finding the right way to organize them. I'm also trying to be sensitive to all the people in my life who deserve anonymity and even those who don't. Writing 'with a voice' is difficult. Also I'm battling feelings of self importance. I ask myself daily 'Does anyone even need to read this stuff? Will anyone truly care?' and then the worst question for any writer, 'Will this end up in a dollar store bin?'. (Shiver)
But then I meet people or see people who have read 'stuff' and they'll introduce me to family members like this, "Mom, this is girl I told you about. The one who should write a book." I'm both embarrassed and thrilled in these moments. The funny thing is, I didn't even make the creative writing team in 8th grade. I will almost certainly release my much anticipated 3rd book to the teacher who deemed me not good enough to work on the yearbook in September 1998, but also accompanied me to State finals for a writing competition in the spring of 1999.
Anyway, writers block that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm working a lot harder now. I switched up jobs and I'm loving my new job. I also loved my old job, well, I loved my coworkers but it was time for a change and it was much needed. We also moved this summer which was a huge undertaking that I never want to experience again. We moved a lot of stuff and things. I'm sick to death of stuff and things. And yet, I got a better job and moved into a bigger house to have more space for my 'stuff and things'. (Sigh)
I'm trying to live minimalist lifestyle with a yard sale personality.
Speaking of yard sales, Matt and I love to go to them. We used to go every weekend that the kids are at their others. We collect so much stuff and things. Almost our whole house is yard sale stuff and things. The worst, however, is when you get to one and there's a man and woman sitting in their lawn chairs while they watch you go around their garage and judge the 13 crap items they've laid out for you to choose from. It's fine to leave a yard sale with nothing as long as there are other people there to purchase. If you're the only people at the home, judging their things, it feels weird to just decide that their old crap isn't good enough to be your new crap and you just awkwardly saunter to your car. I even KNOW that they probably don't care but it's nearly painful for me to walk away from an empty yard sale with nothing. That's the worst.
The BEST are the ones with the happy old lady sisters who share your exact same style in corning dishware and are blowing it out cheap along side old tinted Pyrex serving ware. And your arms are full of new stuff that you love and won't be paying more than $7 for today and you all just laugh in the midst of your excitement over their stuff and things and their excitement for my $7 like you're old friends. These are the ones I bond with in 15 minutes and I have to resist hugging before I leave.
Staying on topic also seems to be an issue I'm having with my writing... I'll be back soon.
