Wow. Just Wow.

We were doing our morning prayer before school and Mason asked, "I want to pray that my card doesn't get flipped." (It's a disciplinary action at school). I started to explain that God is not in charge of whether his card gets flipped or not. His behavior would decide that. I said "You can pray and ask for the wisdom to do the right things and the strength and self control to be good at school, but it's up to you to really make sure you get the job done." And as my own voice said these words and floated up to my ears, I realized that I myself had been praying the same way Mason has for years. Asking for God to make things easier, life better, and to bring me comfort instead of asking for the abilities and courage to do these things on my own. I just can not stop thinking about that.

I dream awesome.

I woke Matt up laughing in my sleep last night and so he woke me up.

Matt: "What's so funny?"
Me: "What?"
Matt: "You were laughing hard just now in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?"
Me (half asleep and very serious): "I made some chili. And I accidentally dropped a squirrel in it. So I was trying to figure out if someone dropped me in a pot of chili, how long would it take me to pee my pants so I could figure out and gauge if the squirrel already peed or if I could serve the chili". 
Matt: "That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard." 

And he fell back asleep.  

 I just remembered that sleepy conversation and cracked up. I dream awesome.

New Van!

So Mason and I get in the van after practice tonight and this happened:

I put the key in and it wouldn't turn.
Mason: "Mom! You got new seats! Cool!"
Me: "We did not. Shhhh I'm trying to figure out why the van won't start."
Mason: "Oh neat! Ella got a new car seat."
Me: "Ugh what is wrong with the car?! Mason be quiet! I'm trying to figure out what's wrong!!"
Mason: "It's like a whole NEW van! Did the other kids ride in it yet!?!"

THATS when it hit me! I looked around and noticed a bag that wasn't mine a Pepsi can that certainly wasn't mine.
Me: "Mason, unbuckle and quietly get out of the van. Quickly! Quickly!"
He gets out and yells, "But I LOVE out new van!!!" And I said "it's NOT our new van it was the WRONG van!!!"
The people in the cars around us found it hilarious.

Facebook Truth.

I just want to get this out of the way really quick as I ignore a lot of stupid posts on Facebook that threaten my karma, luck, and future eternal residence for all time.

Yes, I LOVE God and Jesus ... and I do, in fact, HATE Cancer. So please don’t kill my pet or grandparent.

I do feel terrible for little Johnny Peterbilly who tripped on a gasoline can, fell into a fireplace, tried to put it out by jumping off a roof, landed in a leech infested river, and by the way, was also born with smorgianstepford syndrome on top of it, but please respect Johnny Peterbilly’s privacy by not posting gruesome pictures of his injuries so your ego can be stroked by 120 likes.

I don’t know why naked pictures of girls get more likes than pictures of soldiers. But I would guess that the American Soldier/Sailor/Airman/Marine doesn’t really care because they are away from their homes and families while fighting for freedom…that allows you to annoy everyone on Facebook.

I have avoided Crack, Meth, Heroine, and Alcoholism up to this point… why would I accept your Candy Crush invite?

I say we throw out ‘Throwback Thursday’ and bring in ‘Walk of Shame’ Thursday. Post your favorite picture of yourself walking to your car at 7:30 in the morning after Ladies night, carrying your stilettos with mascara down your face and your hair blown out like Simba in the second half of the Lion King. THAT’S what I want to see.

#Hashtags #have #happened #to #facebook #get #over #it. Hashtags will be like the MTV of our parent’s generation. It’s annoying. We don’t see the point. It makes everyone look stupid. But it’s not going anywhere. We must adapt as a society to this new way of life. #truestorybro

Can I get 1,000,000 likes to end world hunger and/or get a new car? This was cute the first time I saw it. But then it was everywhere. Like the pink goo from the end of Ghostbusters. I don’t know which Ghostbusters because I haven’t actually seen them, but I understand that there was a lot of pink goo at the end that covered everything. THAT’S what this post is like. What kills me is the shitty job that people have done on their poster boards. Like you took a bic pen and wrote something huge on the back of an old project from middle school that your mom saved?! You didn’t center it. You didn’t check your spelling. You clearly have never been taught by a 6th grade art teacher about the importance of Negative space. Get out of here with that nonsense.

Also you’re not going to be sent any freebies. You didn’t just win a Cheesecake factory gift card. You will not get a dime from Bill Gates. No. No. I promise you. You just won't.

That pretty much sums it up for me. Carry on.

-Charmed Life (Yeah. I’m signing it. Because you shouldn’t steal stuff off the internet and claim your clever mind came up with it. Mine did.)

It's really the bumper sticker...

So my aunt borrowed the van and she switched out this afternoon with Matt and left him with her car. Matt met up with me for lunch and the first thing he said was 'We have to switch cars!' and I was like "Why?" and I looked over and said, "Oh, Is it because it's pearly pink?" and he said "Um, no... I can get over that. It's the bumper sticker that says 'If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair' that I'm really having problems with."