Facebook Truth.

I just want to get this out of the way really quick as I ignore a lot of stupid posts on Facebook that threaten my karma, luck, and future eternal residence for all time.

Yes, I LOVE God and Jesus ... and I do, in fact, HATE Cancer. So please don’t kill my pet or grandparent.

I do feel terrible for little Johnny Peterbilly who tripped on a gasoline can, fell into a fireplace, tried to put it out by jumping off a roof, landed in a leech infested river, and by the way, was also born with smorgianstepford syndrome on top of it, but please respect Johnny Peterbilly’s privacy by not posting gruesome pictures of his injuries so your ego can be stroked by 120 likes.

I don’t know why naked pictures of girls get more likes than pictures of soldiers. But I would guess that the American Soldier/Sailor/Airman/Marine doesn’t really care because they are away from their homes and families while fighting for freedom…that allows you to annoy everyone on Facebook.

I have avoided Crack, Meth, Heroine, and Alcoholism up to this point… why would I accept your Candy Crush invite?

I say we throw out ‘Throwback Thursday’ and bring in ‘Walk of Shame’ Thursday. Post your favorite picture of yourself walking to your car at 7:30 in the morning after Ladies night, carrying your stilettos with mascara down your face and your hair blown out like Simba in the second half of the Lion King. THAT’S what I want to see.

#Hashtags #have #happened #to #facebook #get #over #it. Hashtags will be like the MTV of our parent’s generation. It’s annoying. We don’t see the point. It makes everyone look stupid. But it’s not going anywhere. We must adapt as a society to this new way of life. #truestorybro

Can I get 1,000,000 likes to end world hunger and/or get a new car? This was cute the first time I saw it. But then it was everywhere. Like the pink goo from the end of Ghostbusters. I don’t know which Ghostbusters because I haven’t actually seen them, but I understand that there was a lot of pink goo at the end that covered everything. THAT’S what this post is like. What kills me is the shitty job that people have done on their poster boards. Like you took a bic pen and wrote something huge on the back of an old project from middle school that your mom saved?! You didn’t center it. You didn’t check your spelling. You clearly have never been taught by a 6th grade art teacher about the importance of Negative space. Get out of here with that nonsense.

Also you’re not going to be sent any freebies. You didn’t just win a Cheesecake factory gift card. You will not get a dime from Bill Gates. No. No. I promise you. You just won't.

That pretty much sums it up for me. Carry on.

-Charmed Life (Yeah. I’m signing it. Because you shouldn’t steal stuff off the internet and claim your clever mind came up with it. Mine did.)